What would Clement do?

A Labour blog that witters on about Clement Attlee. Hurrah for The Major!

Archive for the tag “Sky”

Clem’s Conference roundup 2010

OK POP-PICKERS! HERE IS THE FIRST ANNUAL ROUNDUP OF THE CONFERENCE SEASON! THE ONLY RELIABLE TRANSLATION OF WHAT THEY ALL REALLY MEANT…

STRAIGHT IN A T No 1, its…THE TUC…

“Wildcat” Bob Crow – ” Bruvvers! A General Strike will put me on ver telly!”

” I’m walkin’ ahht! Go on, watch me walk aaht! Everybody aaaaaht!”

Everyone Else – “There go the Tombly-boos…”

Yessiree, Wilcat Bob – as fat as Ernie Bevin, and less effective than a chocolate teapot…

“Careful” Brendan Barber – ” Have you met Mervyn King? He says its not our fault…”

Merv “The Nerve” King – ” No, its not your fault – but you will have to pay…”

Tony “Twitter” Woodley – ” Lets fight the Poll Tax! Don’t mention my pay…”

Unite Members – ” HOW f***ing much?”

Nick Robinson – ” Do I really have to be here? Some of them didn’t even go to university – bloody C2s…”

SKY Newsteam – ” And coming up…why Trades Unionists are not as other people…”

COMING UP IN SECOND PLACE.. THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS…

Charlie Kennedy – Soo0 sorry I’m late, did I miss anything?”

Nick “The Star” Clegg – ” Look at my new friends! Look at my new job! Aren’t you proud?”

Lib Dems – ” Hmm, not so sure…”

Vince “nicely nicely” Cable – “Bankers are  bad! They have been naughty! They must pay! Am I at the right conference?”

Lib Dems – ” Yes! But its the wrong Government!”

Simon Hughes, Paddy Ashdown et al – ” All things bright and beautiful…”

Nick Robinson – ” Now this is more like it, new some of these chaps at Oxford.”

SKY News team – ” A masterly performance by the young, vigorous Leader of The Conservative Party…”

HOT ON THEIR HEELS, RISING TO NUMBER THREE AND STILL CLIMBING(?)…ITS THE LABOUR PARTY!

Screaming Lord Mandelson – ” Curses! I’ll get you, you meddling humans…”

Labour Members – “You off then? Bye bye…”

David Aaronovitch – “You fools! You elected a member of (gasp!) the LABOUR PARTY!!!”

“Lightinin’ Draw” Ed Miliband – “We made a few mistakes, and lost the election, lets try to sort it out…”

The Labour Party – ” Hooray! At last! Some honesty!’

“Diddy” David M – “No! We never! I’m off…”

Ed “Gis a job” Balls – “Shadow Chancellorship looks vacant…”

Yvette Cooper – ” I feel a row coming on…”

“Sweet” Caroline Flint – ” Is there anyone here that could possibly compete with my beauty? Nope…”

Stilletoed Socialist – ” Oi! Granny! Leave it out. I’m here now…”

Nick Robinson – ” If I just keep talking, I may very well say the right thing – or not…”

SKY News team – ” Ed Miliband looks weird, and, just like Neil Kinnock, he eats babies. At The Gay Hussar. With Tony Woodley…”

ZOOMING IN AT NUMBER FOUR… THE ONES TO BEAT…HEY HEY ITS THE TORIES…

Dr Fox (No, not that one) – “War! Yah! What is it good for?  Share prices.”

Tories – “Absolutely!”

Michael “Woodentop” Gove – “Ooh! Sorry, did I misspeak?”

Tories – ” Go on Govey, you know you want to Govey, you said you would Govey, they all want it Govey, go on Govey…”

David “Ham-face” Cameron – ” Victory! At last I have more power than Boris…”

Boris Johnson – ” Let me introduce you to the town bike…”

Lord Ashcroft – ” Now, if I stay very very quiet…”

Andy “Not me Guv” Coulson – ” Now if I stay very very quiet…”

Nick Robinson – ” Phew! Finally my sort of people…”

SKY News team – ” a masterful performance by the young, virile Leader of The Liberal Democrats”

More Tory- based nonsense to come.. remember! These are only predictions, based on previous results.The Economy may go up and down, and Kenneth Clarke may huff and puff…

With heartfelt thanks to “The Now Show’ on R4 for Govey and Dr Fox gags…

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